“Adopting siblings gave us the big family we both wanted”

Shropshire Council and Telford & Wrekin Council’s Joint Adoption Service helps find families for dozens of children every year, and is currently looking for more loving homes for young children.

National Adoption Week, which takes place from Monday 16 October 2017 to Sunday 22 October 2017, is an ideal time for people to consider whether they could adopt.

Adoption

Adopting siblings can be hard work to begin with… but as Oswestry-based Leila* can vouch, it can also give someone the family life they want.

Leila said:

“When we decided to look into adoption, siblings were on our mind as both John* and I are from big families and we wanted one for ourselves. I was thinking it might be two children – but we actually got three boys.

“That was amazing  – and it has definitely proven to be the best thing we’ve ever done.”

The couple had already tried to start their own family, as Leila explains:

“When we first got together we discussed having our own children. John had been married previously, so I was already stepmother to his four children.

“But after trying a couple of unsuccessful cycles of IVF we decided we couldn’t go through this emotionally anymore, and started thinking about adoption… but we were still a bit apprehensive about applying.

“Then we saw a TV documentary about two little boys who couldn’t be placed together and that just resonated with us. So, after a lot of discussion, we finally made that call.  We followed that up by attending an information event where you could talk to others who had been in our situation as well as to professionals. That’s when the process started in earnest.

“In terms of the process, yes it can feel invasive at times, which you would expect.  Our social worker Lucy knows more about me than my best friend does!

“She came to our home once a week for about six weeks and we built such a rapport that I liked and trusted her totally and so I could be honest about every aspect of my life even the bits that I may have been a bit embarrassed about.  I think a lot of people are concerned that they will be judged – I can remember for her first visit being worried about the biscuits I gave her or what tea towel to use – I needn’t have worried Lucy didn’t judge us at all.”

Initially Leila and John wanted to adopt two children, but had always said that they would consider three.

“Because Lucy knew so much about us she matched us with a sibling group of three and it was a brilliant match.

“They are my children – they just didn’t come from my body. But that connection is there.

“I often heard friends say that overwhelming love comes immediately on becoming parents. With my three it took a little longer – but I didn’t push it and I can say wholeheartedly it is there now. They are my boys, and I love them unreservedly.”

A major concern for the couple was how John’s own children would take to the new additions in their lives.

“We needn’t have worried!” says Leila.

“They view them as their younger brothers; and, as they are older, they take them out, fill them with sugar, exhaust them and leave them back with us.  The boys are their siblings in the same way as they are our children.”

As she explains though, it was not all “Brady Bunch” from the first moment.

“There were problems at first with the older boy as he was nearly four and he found it all a bit bewildering. But when you adopt the support doesn’t stop – and the team were really helpful, then and since.”

And Leila’s advice to anyone thinking about adopting?

“I would say to anyone thinking of adoption: ‘just do it – make that call’. Go into it with an open mind and factor in a little wiggle room in terms of what you are looking for. Be open with your social worker so they can give you the best match – both for you and your new family.

“People ask how I manage having three children under five.  My answer is that you have to be organised, as you would with any family of that size, but not to worry about things like ironing or housework.  Once I had the three boys I stopped ironing anything other than school uniforms!

“Finally, don’t be hard on yourself: give yourself time when you need a break. But believe me, this will be the best thing you will ever do. It certainly was for us – so much so we are currently in the process of adopting our fourth – so why not make that call?”

Shropshire Council and Telford & Wrekin Council’s Joint Adoption Service has an excellent track record of finding loving homes for children.

Last year 33 families were approved to adopt and 44 children were placed for adoption.

The service provides extensive support for adopters, not only during the adoption process but throughout the young person’s childhood.

This support is based around individual children’s and family’s needs and can be therapeutic support, direct work with families and children, support to access other services, mentoring provided by other adoptive families. The service also holds annual events for adoptive families and children.

Nick Bardsley, Shropshire Council’s Cabinet member for children’s services and education, said:

“We are committed to ensuring all children in Shropshire get the best possible start in life and our adopters play a massive part in enabling us to do that. Leila and John are an inspiration.

“National Adoption Week is the ideal time to recognise the fantastic contribution adopters make to the lives of young people and to consider whether you could give a child a loving home yourself.”

If you are interested in adoption, why not visit our website at www.roominyourheartforadoption.co.uk, email us at adoption@ontracagency.com or call us on 0800 783 8798.

BBC Radio Shropshire’s James Bond spoke with Leila on 16 October. To listen to the interviews click here (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p05gy47p#playt=1h19m29s and http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p05gy47p#playt=1h55m19s)

*Leila and John are pseudonyms.